Where to Invade Next?
„Where to invade next? Iran?“
„Don’t know.“
„Switzerland? We’d find lots of money there so we’d never have to buy only sale items ever again.“
„I once met a really friendly Swiss guy. We fed him an apple in an orchard near Concord.“
„What about Cuba?“
„Fidel Castro hasn’t done anything stupid lately. And I hear he’s stopped talking. He’s stopped eating. He’s stopped moving. He’s stopped showering. He’s stopped everything. But he hasn’t done anything stupid.“
„North Korea? The right place to go on a diet, so maybe next June our female submariners will be thin enough to wear a bikini instead of uniforms.“
„I don’t want to think about bathing suits yet.“
„Syria?“
„I heard the U. S. Development Corporation presented its draft cease-fire masterplan for Syria. The focus is on a proposed hockey rink on the parking lot at the Public Library in Damascus.“
„What’s that for?“
„Urban revitalization. Vibrancy.“
„It doesn’t make any sense to me to build a large hockey rink and not have the right to park right there. China?“
„Too strong.“
„Russia?“
„Too cold. I wonder if Russians lean against each other for comfort, like the sailors in Moby Dick.“
„Wikileaks?“
„Not geographical enough to invade.“
„The consequences of a drone attack on Julien Assange are manageable, though. At least not that many innocent people would die.“
„You know, war isn’t the solution for everything.“
„Who said anything about solutions?“
„Non-Americans are every bit as intelligent and capable of feeling pain as ourselves. They are inquisitive, interesting individuals who value their lives, solve problems, experience fear and love, and are capable of using tools.“
„So let’s call the President, then. No more invasions.“
„Right. No more invasions. You have his number?“
„202 456-1111.“
