James Bond Dies

Some incredible action movies coming soon:

James Bond (Daniel Craig) is grabbed by the hair, plunged under water, held there without a breath for twenty minutes, is released, and everyone in the audience surely expects, that he will resurface alive from the water; instead, he slowly floats awkwardly to the surface, a clumsy corpse, by which everyone is deeply and most unpleasantly surprised.

John McClane (Bruce Willis) falls into the elevator shaft and doesn’t return intact and unharmed, as one might rightly expect.

Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) and Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner) are falling from a plane without parachutes, and against all odds, are smashed to death.

Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger lies unconscious for two whole years (short-circuit fault), recovers, then starts to rust and falls apart. Something quite incredible.

In Life of Pi II, Piscine Molitor “Pi” Patel (Suraj Sharma) falls into a cage with a beast of prey, says a certain magic word, but contrary to all normal expectations, is eaten to pieces.

John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) has fallen ill with an incurable disease, decides it unnecessary to go to the doctor, treats himself instead, and, to everyone’s disbelief, soon dies after.

A bonfire is seen beneath Batman (Christian Bale), flames are shooting upwards, everyone in the theatre is anxious, wondering how he will successfully evade a tragic outcome, but Batman, with howls and cries, is burned to ashes, to the great surprise of all assembled.

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) waters all the flowers every morning, stands in his socks on a chair to reach the pots on the upper shelf, leaving his slippers on the floor beneath the chair. He checks what’s missing in the fridge before going to annoy some Nazis, he plans to buy the missing items on his way back. But he falls in the heart of a battle and perishes in the most common way.